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Cicada Cicatrice

by Deeps Repus

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Alex
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Alex This fella is a true songwriting talent Favorite track: Eunuchorn.
tamejames
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tamejames Healing, thinking, reflecting, this album is helping me start feeling. Favorite track: Supernova (2016).
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1.
Oxytocin 03:45
I'm your favorite murderbaby Chop me up and toss me in the sink Newton's Third Law starts a fire Cause god knows no one has the time to think It's all been wasted since you got wasted With friends like this, well, who needs to breathe? Here's my wrists, my neck, my ankles Cause Baby Junior's gotta teethe My bones are hardened My skin is tender You've been a godsend Return to sender Oxytocin and serotonin Make my body feel at ease Oxytocin and serotonin Doctor, if you please Oxytocin and serotonin Like a suture for the brain Oxytocin and serotonin I hope it heals the pain I share this house with starved mosquitoes I feel anemic and my muscles ache Another one walks through the doorway Not you again, I think I'm gonna break Show to me your sanctimony I'll show you somewhere safe that you can stuff I'm fitting myself for a chastity belt Cause it's clear to see that I've been fucked enough With this contusion I can't take action Towards the illusion Of satisfaction Oxytocin and serotonin I hope it's not in vain Oxytocin and serotonin Til I forget my name Oxytocin and serotonin Pretending that I'm sane
2.
Idle Hands 07:04
As a parting gift I gave you new tattoos That read "not safe for internal use" There's a growing rift between the true believers And the overworked and the underachievers No such thing as a curse that can't be dispersed With a good old-fashioned chipper machine I keep people's secrets written safe across my forehead In bright red ink just so I don't forget This one's for the churches that litter the land That baptise with benzene and evangelize with sand There's a blanket of shadow that threatens the country That can't be dispelled except by a queen I'm of the school of thought that love can part the ocean Given 15 minutes tops and some condoms and lotion But this class of elites worshipped by a plurality Claims that words aren't what they mean There's some bile in my throat that's starting to burn It's for christening the pretentious and anointing the stern Anybody who denies all the carnage around us Doesn't know what I've heard, what I've seen It's a long way up to the gates of heaven But they've been shot up, film at 11 You can't have sex with the body electric But everyone nearby's already gone septic "There are some things that deserve a bit of arson" Scream the words on loop inside of my head It takes someone special with the same amount of luck To become a world leader or be killed by a truck You might think this feeling means your heart's been stolen But it's just something rotten inside your colon I'm looking for catharsis in this toxic coal mine But I always find sorrow instead Lack of critical thinking doesn't always mean dumb It could also be banality has rendered you numb I now pronounce the couple husband and wife And preemptively clinically dead A bunch of disconnected, unrelated imagery Is the only thing you'll ever end up getting from me The color-blind are right in the grand scheme of things There's no difference between green and red Autonomy's a concept that I've never experienced A word I've only heard in myths and legends and rumors I hatched out of a clutch that was laid by a spider My motor skills are held back by societal tumors Our destiny is set to be all pawns for the plutocracy Our only weight as people is our role as consumers Unless we learn to loosen our chains I wish I could ignore it but I'm forced to acknowledge That we're bogged down in this quicksand by imbalance of power And that if we want affection from the marionetteers We have to dance for our dinner over 63 hours And we can't refuse the offer because beggars can't be choosers Even though the taste of leather boots is bitter and sour We can't endure our hunger pains So I'll staple a comedy mask to my face Until my personality's been erased And in bed I'll cry for hours cause I know I'm a disgrace But hey, it's a living Is this really living? In dreams I see a future where there's something called "freedom" And the people aren't subject to the whims of the moguls Whips and jails and scoliosis don't exist but in memories There's no such things as barons or oppression or nobles The sun is shining brightly on a land of all the liberated Bodies clean of all the gunk that kept us immobile And none of the evil remains I don't think that I'd call it regression It's more a spot of chronic depression Nothing's wrong with your eyes, but you still can't see It's nothing that should go without mention A parasite that eats comprehension Victims aren't offenders, Q.E.D Jesus wanted me to die Otherwise he'd never let me live in the first place Jesus wanted me to die That's the only reason I was born Jesus wanted me to die Why else would I even be alive in the first place Jesus wanted me to die Cause I deserve his ire and his scorn
3.
起きたら朝の青空が綺麗 電話が鳴ってる、「遊びに来い」って 親友の声が聞こえてくるね 着替えの後は階段を降りる 親に挨拶を、朝飯食べる 扉を通して君んちへ行く でもなんか胸の鼓動が止まらない 思い浮かんだらいつもより速い 手伝ってくれよ、何故なの知りたい その顔と笑い方が僕によく効く 君のこと考えすぎて夜は眠れず 他のみんなも友のことをこう思ってるかな 問いたいが倒さないよ、心の怖さ ようやく着いた、扉にノックを 開けたら君が声掛け「ようこそ」 落ち着いてみて緊張感を隠そう いつものように抱きしめられた 君が温かい、やっぱ無理でした 死ぬ気がするよ、君を離せば 日の残りの記憶が薄い 布団に入ったら君の「おやすみ」 執着しちゃったよ、その一言に 今日を外泊にする招待の返事はもちろん「はい」 やっぱりこの謎の気持ちどうか解決したい でも君が側にいると胸が苦しく 深い思考が不可能のまま僕はただ泣く 真夜中でどうやら僕を聞こえた君が 肩に手を伏せて、「悪い夢でも見たか」 悲しいけど君の慰めでは幸せ こんな気持ち大きくなったら分かりそうかもね
4.
Jungle 03:10
(地獄出て来る、狂う) Blot out the sky with your insolence And your insubordination Everyone pities your ignorance You think you can thwart the nation Swallow your pride 'fore you choke on it And you vomit in a flood rush Bilious humours aren't humorous When you're staring down a blood crush Could this be a gift from heaven Or a burden, rotten, dead and 地獄出て来る、狂う? Children are placid and genial They don't take after their parents Egotists, unpaid professionals Execration clogs the pharynx Citizens gather around the flames For a public execution Jumping in happily all the same It's their personal solution
5.
They say evil triumphs when good men do nothing But when good men do something they get killed or they get fired I'd love to be able to pick up the pieces But the long and the short of it is I'm far too tired You caught me at the absolute worst possible time But honestly any time's bad for me now I laugh without thinking to stop myself from crying And if there's a better way, please tell me how I can't be seen without venlafaxine Cause it's the only thing that brings me to lucidity I can't be seen without venlafaxine Cause it's the only friend I've got and it's the only friend I need I feel like a nobleman buried alive But without a bell rigged up outside of my casket As much as I want death, I fear I'm immortal Cause my whole life long I've been in hell in a handbasket There's no real solution to all of my problems And try as I might nothing quite feels the same I'd like to go back to when ignorance was bliss As a nondescript child who never knew pain Save me, make me Not so crazy My soul's not meant To be aching Both my heart and Mind are breaking When you leave I Beg you, take me It would be fun to try and see how close I can get to losing my life Without losing my body, without losing my mind They say suicide is a cowardly thing, but what about about the ones who back out Without kissing the concrete, without kissing the clouds? Everyone talks about finding true love but nobody really knows Without shedding some tears, without shedding some clothes Emotional baggage is a horrible thing but it's impossible to just let go Without letting it fester, without letting it grow Can someone destroy this pedestal I was born on Cause everyone's standards have been far too high And when I fuck up like I always anticipate No one ever sees with me eye to eye I can't handle pressure, I can't handle shouting I can't handle anything, is that my fault? You can't really blame me for wanting to end this And jump off the world with a soul-stopping halt I'm not fond of people and animals are scared of me So what does that leave me with when I need to talk? When nobody listens and nobody notices And nobody cares, I just feel like a cock The cold chill of winter bites down on my jugular And I can see nothing but my own rotten breath Should I just point my face toward the sky one of these days Close my eyes tight, and let the hail stone me to death?
6.
Sometimes I wish that I was smart enough To be not born a human and not evolve thumbs But I guess I lack the foresight for that Or perhaps I'm just plain dumb The days blur together, there's not enough air And I'm grasping for something that just isn't there But I guess I lack the eyesight for that Though this blindness isn't fair Can you hear me? Can you help me? I've been searching for a cure to this disease But I can't seem to find it I hope you don't mind it The words that I sing I never understand They were writ by an angel, but I'm just a man But I guess I lack the insight for that It's another thing I can't Maybe this body's a poor surrogate And my soul's somewhere else, but just where, I forget But I guess I lack the hindsight for that Cause there's nothing I regret Are you hiding? Are you crying? I've been searching for an exit to this place But I can't seem to find one Maybe your mind's one Your bones fit Rather perfect I've been searching for a host that I can take And I know that I've found it Your body's resounded
7.
I'm nostalgic for a time and place that I have never been Where I could be outgoing and could make a bunch of friends Or maybe something more than that, but I can still pretend Oh, if only life were like that There's certain things you just can't change and sometimes that's okay Cause most of them are little and won't matter anyway But I'd give my arms and legs if you would never go away Oh, if only death were like that But in layman's terms, no man can be a god And you can't control the world with just your thoughts I can't see the moon tonight, and I never knew that rain could smell so rancid But at least I know it's real If she wants to become a supernova Then just let her become a supernova I don't want to become a supernova But I can't speak for anyone else I don't want to rely on anybody from now on I've needed to be kept afloat by others for so long I want to be so stable, no one thinks that something's wrong Oh, if only life were like that I wish that I could sleep for months and not just for a night And fall into a coma as opposed to fight or flight And then I'd wake up later when I think that it's alright Oh, if only death were like that But it's never gonna be so cut and dry And the man who called this easy told a lie I'm confused by everything, but the world outside has gracefully adapted And I don't know how to feel There's no user's guide to being an adult And the walkthrough for delight says "join a cult" Everything I've done has failed, and the best advice I've heard is "just keep trying" But I can't see the appeal ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well I know you're not quite ready yet And I know just how afraid you get But I'm certain it's a solid bet That you're the strongest boy I've ever met It's not that simple, I'm aware But don't you worry, I'll be there I don't quite love myself, it's true But that love's better spent on you Because you never get enough Despite the fact you've had it rough So here's a little mantra for your health: "Learn to forgive yourself"
8.
A purring little cat came up and licked my arm With a tongue that's still filthy with the blood of mice Now I wish I could pretend that I've got better judgment But the innocent spiel would probably trick me twice If the creature was a human acting cute and harmless I won't be so easily coerced; at least, I hope If it means that I'm a sheep to be manipulated Then I hate this quasi-hypnotic attraction trope The shortest path between two points the way I know it Is whichever one can keep you adequately hid Cause emotion is the devil's best catch-22 And sympathy will make you forget everything they did The illusion of the planet being worth a damn Has been implanted in the population's feeble minds But all the people who can claim that they don't care the most All secretly regret the time they left it all behind I'm dead again A fleeting thought of happiness just crossed my head But after twenty-seven seconds it just flew away And when I tried to call it back to me, it flipped me off I mean, it's basically the same as every other day But maybe there's a secret cheat to keep it in my heart And I suppose the pills I'm taking sort of help a bit The anhedonia is gone, I guess that's something But it can't stop me from crying when my friends feel shit I can't remember for the life of me the last time When I genuinely felt a pang of honest rage That's a good thing, but I don't like how my attitude Is like a truly jaded person over twice my age My trust has been eroded without my permission And I tend to ask myself if I'd be my own friend Or if my lyrics are profound or just a crock of nonsense That I scrawl to bring the music to a proper end
9.
I saw you on the bullet train That went from Portugal to Spain (The conductor was tired, so they didn't see That your passport expired back in Germany) You read the newspaper alone Until a ring came to your phone (You dashed out of the car at full speed I've got no idea what you needed to do No, not a clue) Riddle me this, where'd you come from? Riddle me this, where ya going to? Riddle me this, what's your problem? Riddle me this, can I sit by you? We're perfect strangers, but it's strangely perfect And I feel I'm safer, and I feel it's worth it Riddle me this, are you glad now? Riddle me this, was it my mistake? Riddle me this, is it sad how You crack and you hitch every move you make? Well, we're only human, and it's human nature You can call me stupid, but I'll never hate you When you came back, I was surprised I could not believe my own eyes (Well, you must understand it would cause alarm How you carried a child's prosthetic arm) You had it draped along your shoulder Blade, I saw into your soul (I was shown how much strength you had there I'm too feeble, too unprepared for the blues That fill your shoes) I knew right there I needed you I idolized you in my view (Cause your beauty was blinding, I couldn't see Any future that didn't have you with me) I don't want to sound like a creep But here's a memory to keep (So I mustered my courage to do good I got up and tore my hood from my head And then I said, "riddle...")
10.
With a running start jump into the reservoir Cannonball cannibal don't let go Start stroking and paddling and paddling and kicking And kicking and screaming and screaming and sinking Piecemeal pisces food upon their plate So they mate and they grow and the crater runneth over Fisherkings in yellow snatch and sell and even skin some Singing songs of sixpence cause five's their yearly income Visceral little tadpoles have nothing to hide Which makes it easier to tell when their hearts are petrified They tried and they tried but we all know they lied When the whole world can see what you're like inside But I'm tied up in affairs replete with remorse No escape, no reprieve, I can't muster enough force He married me, buried me, exhumed for the divorce Of course (dehsiw eb ot yltuoved noitammusnoc a sit') "melt thtis shit earth. melt this shit earth and start over." The guilt of existence is eating me alive And that's the only thing that tells me that alive is what I am Suffering and terror are the only true emotions Idealism, nihilism, both are nothing but a sham We're kings, we're gods, hell, why not both Just a ravenous, savage pack of wolves Humanity's a failed experiment down to the name Cause our fundamental quality is being inhumane Glue the empire back together with a Glasgow grin Putrefaction is a virtue, conscientiousness a sin Fracturing your arm to drink the marrow from the bone Dying's fun with friends but even better when alone High-fidelity infidel, push the button, ring the bell Gaping like the wounds upon your chest Flip the switch and fall into the furnace of despair That's where you'll melt into a slurry with the rest
11.
Eunuchorn 03:30
When I first met him he spit his flames inside of me It warmed me up and I thought that it was love And our embrace was such that we shared our body water His scissor fingers made me scream to skies above So then I told him I would give him anything he wanted And anything is precisely what he took And when I see myself in the mirror staring at me I smash it all apart cause I can't bear to look I never chose for this to happen If I could go back and do it all again I would have just kept walking and ignored it I never would have offered him my hand Cause after him no one will ever want me And that's the biggest tie he's kept me in And when I look down at the scars he's given me That's when I remember his sadistic grin when he said "Relax, it'll only take a second Just close your eyes and it'll be done soon And when you open them you'll be a different person You'll be all mine when you're born anew" And after that he only spit his flames upon my skin It left these burns upon my epidermal flesh And all the while he told me I was his perfection While he was scratching me with his beehive caress There's no way I could return to what my life had been And when his lance decides to make me sore I have to lie and say that I can feel a happiness But I can't feel a thing anymore
12.
Come on everybody, clap your hands And let's pretend we comprehend the concept of romance And act like we don't live from day to day on government grants While we bombard the ones who have no choice with logorrheic rants Would you rather be a bleeding heart or have a stroke And light the fire that makes your children's dreams go up in smoke? It makes me wonder why I even bothered when I spoke When false equivalence has bastard children with tu quoque When you go to clean the skeletons out from your closet You should wave hello to yourself "Going Galt" and snorting salt are just as bad for your health Old plague doctors wore their masks to keep from catching illness Not when they're already diseased Patient Zero's not the hero, he should be quarantined Come on everybody, crap your pants What's more bourgeois than looking down and spitting on the ants Who built the colony, but never even had a chance? I mean, it's their fault that they can't afford extravagance But when you hear about their plights and you don't care at all It makes their names all blur together and gestaltzerfall But when the serfs learn how to read, you get uncomfortable So you get up and burn some copies of Das Kapital I'll give you bread and circuses if you'll blindly agree To not protest at the gallows' feet, that's magn-animosity "Please, mister butcher, put that knife on the rack again All I asked is if this was halal beef" "This necklace and matching bracelet are luxurious They were made out of hibakusha teeth" The color of royalty used to be purple But nowadays it's been changed to green "Veracity's irrelevant if we repeat it enough Cause all dissenters are censorious and mean" "Look at all the proles who shove their throats full of McDonald's Like that shit's all they can afford Stop the cameras, I know it's cancerous, but it's shit I adore" Says the oligarch to five hundred media watchdogs Before shouting slurs about Jews In the foyer -- "Where's my lawyer!? This can't be on the news" Come on everybody, drown the witch I mean, she's obviously evil, you saw her twitch When someone half a foot a way screamed that she's a bitch And she commits the cardinal sin of not being rich This bacchanal's not over until someone dies And then we feast upon their flesh, save for me the eyes And use their bones for soup and bake their heart into a pie Cause what you call "excess" is something I call "足りない" I'll give you guns and butter if you'll voluntarily Let me siphon out all your mortal souls, that's necrophil-anthropy Fuck
13.
Crowdpleaser 03:25
I bet you wanna hear me sing about cars I bet you wanna hear me sing about tits I bet you wanna hear me lower my standards I bet you wanna hear me not give a shit Well, I hear what you're thinking, clear and true I'm not here for me, I'm just for you Well, I've got just the thing you wanna hear, honey So take out your wallet and give me your money This is your crowdpleaser Your cochlear teaser Something that won't make you think So you can sit back and drink Innovation is for hipsters and snobs So here's the single you've been begging me for Just another cock rock radio song Since you treat me like a musical whore I've got the shit to start the party off right Sanitized and inoffensive and white This is one for all the midlife crisis folks here A perfect mask so you don't find out I'm queer Everybody say "I have no self-awareness And my sense of humor's crass The eighties are dead now So you can kiss my ass I'll never play this live Cause it's essentially filler But if you're in your fifties I bet you think it's killer" (I'm trying my hardest not to try at all Cause to sell any records, you gotta sell out Pushing you for trifling and ultimately stifling creatives Is what this whole biz is about)
14.
I might, I might not be too strong, and I I might slip up and do it wrong, and I I might regret I wrote this song, but I But I will protect you You might feel that it's way too much, and you You might think you don't deserve such, but I I hope that one day you'll be touched, so I So I will protect you I don't make promises that I intend to break I'll be your novocaine when living starts to ache I won't forget my oath, no matter what it takes And that means that I won't neglect you You know how much you mean to me, I shall I shall make this my destiny, and it's And it's so plain and clear to see that I That I will protect you Peut-être je serai pas assez fort Peut-être tu penserai que j'ai tort Mais vraiment, je veux juste ouvrir la porte Je te protégerai Je te promets que je te ferai rire J'écouterai tout que tu voudrai dire Pourquoi voudrais-je jamais te mentir? Je te protégerai

about

After 4 years of development hell, we present to you over an hour of disappointment. Enjoy.

This record is dedicated to the memory of
Michael McMahon
1956-2017
I deeply regret that you were never able to hear this.

SPECIAL THANKS
Ashley: This cat is gay and I don't want to do anything about it.
Gregg: I hope you come back soon.
Sabrina: Everyone misses you.
Lattice: Everyday living must be a lot tougher when you're cursed.
Thom: I can't believe you're actually willing to put this garbage on your label.
Destiny: I hope you get to kiss the boy.
Clouds: You're the OG fan.

credits

released May 3, 2018

Empor Perez: Guitar, bass, vocals, drum programming, sampling, lyrics, keyboards, ukulele
Emberlynn Bland (goodnightgirl.bandcamp.com) : additional drums on "Oxytocin"
"Eunuchorn" contains samples of "Kuronosu no Mori" by Saeko Suzuki and TOMOSIRO.

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Deeps Repus North Tonawanda, New York

A series of paeans to failure and mediocrity composed by a sad tapir. Contains gluten, soy, and phenylalanine.

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